New bookmarks, yay!

So I made these bookmarks out of leftover fabric scraps that I had that I thought were too small to do anything with. I am so glad that I found a use for them.
I think they are really cute!

What dreams did you have as a kid?

What did you want to be when you grew up? What did you picture your life as in the future?

I was reading something about Gwen Stefani the other day that said she always imagined herself being a housewife and having kids, that was what she pictured her perfect future as being.

It made me think again about what I pictured my life as being when I was younger. I always saw myself as traveling around the world. Not necessarily going on vacations around the world-i never thought of these things as vacations. But rather, living in different places for periods of time, or being in different places for the purpose of working or helping others.
I remember when i was in school (undergrad) telling people I wanted to be a flight attendant and people would laugh. But really, I always thought it would be a fantastic job. It paid enough to pay bills, you got to travel, and an added benefit to the job would be free travel. I mean, all I ever really wanted was a job that would allow me to fulfill that dream. I wasn't concerned about money or kids or getting married, just about how to get to where i wanted to be.

now i am wondering, how can i attain that. i mean, it is still a dream of mine, but i wonder now, how much is that a dream of mine? if this is what i really want, then i can find a way to make it happen. and i also wonder, how many people are out there just floating around living their life and going through the motions as opposed to living their dream or finding a way to live that dream.

Chelsea Handler is inspiring

well, i think it's been awhile since i posted. one is because i have been busy being miserable with myself, writing, and generally being miserable with myself.
anyhow, i got a book in my last amazon.com order that i ordered because it was on my list of "recommended" items. i read a few pages, put it down, read a few pages, put it down. then i read a few pages a day or so ago and read the rest of the book.
i have to say that the book was just what i needed to lift my spirits. i dont watch a lot of television but understand that chelsea handler has a television show and that shes really funny-but i havent seen it. but based on reading my horizontal life, i must get her other book that's out.
i tell you, the book made me laugh, a lot. but on a side note-i think she has inspired me to have a better time in life. i think im in the same state that she finds herself in during most of the book-you should read the book, it's hilarious.

Haagen-Dazs-Sticky Toffee Pudding

so the point of this blog is to be a place for me to have therapy. therapy where its only one sided, no other view to contend with, the amount of reflection required is dependent upon what i decide i want and when i want, its at the time and place i want it, when i want it, and in the form i want it, not scheduled once a week for an hour-like i really schedule my moods.
i am particularly in a writing mood. i wondered a few things, the first of which is-wow, there are people with a glimpse into how my mind works now.
anyways, i thought about this robe i am wearing and it triggered a memory. i remember about what year i bought the robe, where it was purchased, and the person that was with me when i made the purchase. it got me thinking a few things. first-what is it about memories that suddenly come back-those that are seemingly meaningless. then, i thought about how they really arent that meaningless if we set and reflect on them.
i have two takes on the memory of this robe.
1. it makes me think about how if i have memories and specific emotions attached to items OR if i have memories that tend to elicit memories that i dont want to have, then i should get rid of those items.
2. it makes me think about how stupid i was for spending that much money on a robe. all i was looking for was a robe to wear when i got out of the shower. but i didnt have a clue about how to do that, clueless. i was already 17 years old. how is it that a seventeen year old girl doesnt know a thing about where to even begin to go to buy a robe. how is it that my thought was that i needed a robe, so i needed to drive an hour to the galleria to victoria's secret just so i could get a robe. and that whatever selection they had in there was what i had to choose from-cause of course, no one else sold robes-where else would i go? and of course, what 17 year old girl doesnt require an $89 robe? i mean, that much money for a robe now is ridiculous-and its what, 13 years later.
now mind you, i realize i still have the robe and so if you divided up the cost over the years it seems like i got a bargain. but, come on, that wasnt the point.
so, it makes me think, where in the crap was my female role model? shouldn't i have had more of a female role model in my life? was i really that completely without guidance?
i know, its just a robe, but the thing is-it's made me think about things. i dont come to these conclusions based on one incident alone. i come to these conclusions based on the cumulation of events over my life.
so now what?
i lay here on the couch, therapying away, in a robe that triggered a small opening of the gate. its too bad all that happened before i could blog about how good that ice cream was i had tonight.

Phew, sigh of relief

ok, so i feel much more balanced today, phew. while i was at michael's yesterday, i picked up this pack of 8 photo cards with envelopes for $1.00. They are really cute, I'm surprised I would buy something that cute, especially given my current moods. Anyway, thought I should add something cheery here.

I turned in my work today, and fingers crossed, it will be liked. Worrying about it won't help me so, I think I'll just work on some stuff that has to get done regardless of the outcome. In the meantime, maybe I will be able to refocus the next few weeks and come out of the gates at the end of the month at full speed-ready to tackle anything. let's just not crash.

J crew is having their extra 20% off sale again! yay!

Enjoy an extra 20% off sale items!
Coupon Code: EXTRA20

ends Sunday September 28

and don't forget-they don't really advertise this but you can get a 15% discount on jcrew purchases online and in store if you are in college. To use this online, you need to call them and they will apply it to your order. So, if you are in school you get the 15% off plus the extra 20%, yay!

how many lives do we lead?

how many lives do we lead? i am thinking i have about 2 or 3. some people more but i bet a lot of people have more than one, at least more people than one might think.

tonight i am not leading my current (known to everyone) life, i am somewhere else psychologically, have been since this afternoon.

i am pretty sure that i am just pretending im not living the life im living.

i am out here if you cant sleep.