so the point of this blog is to be a place for me to have therapy. therapy where its only one sided, no other view to contend with, the amount of reflection required is dependent upon what i decide i want and when i want, its at the time and place i want it, when i want it, and in the form i want it, not scheduled once a week for an hour-like i really schedule my moods.
i am particularly in a writing mood. i wondered a few things, the first of which is-wow, there are people with a glimpse into how my mind works now.
anyways, i thought about this robe i am wearing and it triggered a memory. i remember about what year i bought the robe, where it was purchased, and the person that was with me when i made the purchase. it got me thinking a few things. first-what is it about memories that suddenly come back-those that are seemingly meaningless. then, i thought about how they really arent that meaningless if we set and reflect on them.
i have two takes on the memory of this robe.
1. it makes me think about how if i have memories and specific emotions attached to items OR if i have memories that tend to elicit memories that i dont want to have, then i should get rid of those items.
2. it makes me think about how stupid i was for spending that much money on a robe. all i was looking for was a robe to wear when i got out of the shower. but i didnt have a clue about how to do that, clueless. i was already 17 years old. how is it that a seventeen year old girl doesnt know a thing about where to even begin to go to buy a robe. how is it that my thought was that i needed a robe, so i needed to drive an hour to the galleria to victoria's secret just so i could get a robe. and that whatever selection they had in there was what i had to choose from-cause of course, no one else sold robes-where else would i go? and of course, what 17 year old girl doesnt require an $89 robe? i mean, that much money for a robe now is ridiculous-and its what, 13 years later.
now mind you, i realize i still have the robe and so if you divided up the cost over the years it seems like i got a bargain. but, come on, that wasnt the point.
so, it makes me think, where in the crap was my female role model? shouldn't i have had more of a female role model in my life? was i really that completely without guidance?
i know, its just a robe, but the thing is-it's made me think about things. i dont come to these conclusions based on one incident alone. i come to these conclusions based on the cumulation of events over my life.
so now what?
i lay here on the couch, therapying away, in a robe that triggered a small opening of the gate. its too bad all that happened before i could blog about how good that ice cream was i had tonight.